Well Mr. Happypants and I have arrived in Memphis. He was his curmudgeonly self all day. I had a couple of moments where I just asked what planet he was from. Needless to say I got a lecture for that.
He was not impressed driving through Tennessee and there were police everywhere. I believe he said that was a waste of resources and that turning into a rant on “well when I was in the force……..” This is one area where I will always try to show complete restraint. However I have reminded him on occasion that it has been some 20 years since he was on “the force”. I get lectures for that too. LOL
We finally got to Memphis and into our hotel. We stayed at the Hyatt in downtown Memphis. If you are ever in the area its a really lovely hotel and I would recommend it highly. Mr. Happypants needed a new pair of shoes. So he asked me to take him to Walmart. There was a target right across the road but no it had to be Walmart. So I pull up google on my BB and find the closest one. Off we go . Sounds simple doesn’t it? Unfortunately the location that was closest was closed up and boarded over. Well that just pretty much set Mr. Happypants off on to his own personal rant of why does that thing (my blackberry) not give you the right address. I got the “tone”. You know the “tone’. Its the one where Fathers can talk to their grown daughters and make them feel like they are about 6. Ugh. This was going to be a long night.
So after setting off to the next location we got into Walmart. Off Mr. Happypants goes to find shoes. I go off to find a couple of items. I find Mr. Happypants in the shoe department not happy already. Oh boy this is going to be fun. Ack . He is lamenting the fact that the quality is just not there. I being… well …me try to explain to my Dad – Mr. Happypants that if he was willing to pay more than $20.00 for a pair of shoes then I would be able to find much better quality. B-I-G Mistake. Oh my goodness. I should have kept my mouth shut. IT was a torrent of unhappiness came next . Well why don’t they have better quality at this price. Then it went into the well when it was 1960 I got shoes just with great quality. UGH. I know you have been there with your parents as well. Trust if this han’t happened to you yet it will. Just wait for it.
Then there was the whole shoe horn discussion. He needed a shoe horn to get on a pair of shoes he was trying. Damnit. No shoe horn in sight anywhere. I had bells going off in my head now just warning that this would only end badly. Sure enough my Dad approaches the nearest sales clerk (she looked about 15) and asked where the shoe horns were. Oh my goodness full on code RED now……. The sales clerk looked at my Dad and asked what a she horn was……. Oh my goodness (seriously is there a higher status of emergency then red?>???? We were there I tell you. I should have ran away) I thought my Dad was going to turn into Linda Blair and his head was going to spin.
I quote. What do you mean whats a shoe horn>?? You work in a shoe department and you don’t know what a shoe horn is>?? How can you possibly work in a shoe department and not know what a shoe horn is. >???? Who hires people that work in shoe departments and they don’t know what a shoe horn is.??? You see this is the problem these days people just don’t care about things like shoe horns.
I felt badly for this lady. Oh my.Poor thing. I talked to her after I could get her to stop cowering in the corner with a pile of shoes.
We ended up getting Mr. Happypants a pair of shoes with Velcro. I will pray each day that the velcro stays together. That we don’t have to do this again in another few months. Please pray for those shoes as well. Pray they stay together for the next few years. Pray for the Walmart staff that will encounter my Dad.
Now. I new I was dreading the next part of the Walmart adventure. It was time to get my Dad a cellphone. I have been seriously not looking forward to this for months. My Dad does not do well with electronics. I have inherited from him this wonderful trait. My brother on the other hand seems to be a whiz at it. Unfortunately the brat was not around. Damn.
So off to the electronics department we go. Now all I needed was a phone that would make it easy for my Dad to call home every few days to check in with us as he is wandering around Florida for a couple of months. UGH. But wait ! I could come up with a diversion for him. I had to think quick. I sent him to the card department to buy cards for Valentines for my kids. HA!!! Success – he was diverted long enough for me to grab a phone a phone card and get to the register. No other Walmart employees were traumatized on this day!!! I felt good about this moment. It was short lived though LOL.
And I quote: HOW MUCH>>>??? Its a phone. Why do I need to spend 29.99 for a phone and 19.99 for a phone card. ?????? I explained to my Dad that was pretty reasonable for a pay as you go that he would only be using for a couple of months each year. Lets just leave it at that. I don’t want to further this conversation. It was long drawn out and painful to my ears.
So finally now that Mr. Happypants had his shoes and a new phone we could go off to dinner. My Dad likes fried chicken – thankfully. SO off to Gus’s fried chicken. The chicken was awesome. Just terrific and I think I may have seen Mr Happypants smile. IT might have been gas though. Ill update you all tomorrow. See ya!